Entry: God of Wine Oct 16, 2003

As I sit here today, listening to god of Wine over and over.  I know it's kinda obsessive to do this, but the song is what I feel.  I have always loved this song, too bad it never played on the radio.

Today I spend alot of time thinking of Fernando.  I think I need to meet Mandy, and perhaps talk to her about things Fer says to her about me.  I'm not worried that he is saying anything bad about me.  But I am curious to know what he thinks of me really. Or rather, the extent of which he thinks about me.

I know I have alot of feelings for the boy.  Of course, it is insanely illogical for all of this to even exist! He is going to leave for Park City this winter.  Personally, it doesn't seem to have much of an emotional affect on me.   However, he seems to think that it will, and that his dating other girls up there will hurt me.

I personally don't think along those lines.  Even though he thinks I want to date him as my boyfriend, I really don't, and the idea hadn't really crossed my mind.  I don't want to insult him by saying that though. 

I do love him though.  Undoubtedly.  I love to just look at him, listen to him, pretty much everything.  Right now he only does one thing that gets on my nerves.  He touches my ass in public.  I really don't like that at all.  It makes me look like a slut I think.  And I know that other people don't like to see that. 

I will have to tell him one day that I hate being touched on the ass like that.  Once in a blue moon is okay, but not like every five minutes.  I can't really see what is going on in his head that he feels the needs to touch my ass all the time.  Perhaps I will let him see my blogging! Then he can read everything that goes on in my head. LOL.  Boy that'd be a quick way to ruin a friendship!

However, I do know Fernando pretty well. I think if I tell him about the ass thing he'll do three different things.  One: he'll get offended and stop. Two: he'll stop but quietly stew. Three: He'll tell me it's something he likes to do and there is nothing I can do about it.  If I don't like it, then it's my problem. Obviously I'm not the girl for him, because the girl he wants is a girl he can grab at all the time.

Well, this blog is WAY too long, So I'll post it and catch you all later!


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